


Foogy Boofers

by Animemes



Series: Foogy Boofers [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi is an Overprotective Mother, Hannah Montana - Freeform, Ice Cream, Karaoke, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Dork, M/M, Parody, Pick-Up Lines, bokuto wants the d, goofy goobers, lowkey metal gear solid, puns, short cameo for iwaoi, spongebob squarepants - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 03:12:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8084494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animemes/pseuds/Animemes
Summary: Kuroo’s constant cockblocks lead him to gorging his sexual frustrations out on loads of ice cream and to entering a karaoke competition with none other than his best friend Bokuto. Featuring dank memes, cliche shojo tropes, and Hannah Montana, it was likely a night the two boys would never forget.(Kuroo Tetsurou is also pretty gay for Kozume Kenma.)





	

Kuroo was having a pretty bad day.

For the past few weeks he’d been trying to make a pass on the guy in the library playing computer games during lunch. Without success, might he add.

It was bad enough that Computer Boy dismissed him out of hand and ignored his advances, but his friend Akaashi, who conveniently was a fellow player of Kuroo’s on the university’s volleyball team, continually intervened every time he walked in the vicinity of Computer Boy. It wasn’t Kuroo’s fault that his hair looked like it was shoved down a blender or that his aura came off as intimidating or that his smirk seemed to suggest he was a fuckboy. He wasn’t  _ trying _ to be a fuckboy.

~~ Okay, maybe sometimes he was. ~~

“I'm like dropping hints that I want you date you.” Kuroo said in his most charming voice, confirmed by none other than his number one bro in the world, Bokuto Koutarou.

Computer Boy only furrowed his brows in concentration.

“I want to date you.” Kuroo said.

Computer Boy continued his game without fail.

“Are you picking up what I’m putting down?”

Silence.

“I—” Kuroo was interrupted by a spontaneous rick roll emanating from his school bag. Someone was calling him. Bokuto once set it as his ringtone as an April Fool's prank but Kuroo loved it so much he’d kept it ever since. He uses it as an alarm, too. Nothing to wake Kuroo up in the morning like Rick Astley promising to never give you up.

“You mind if I take this?” 

Kuroo took the resulting silence as a yes.

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, Kuroo, you've gotta come right now!”

“Who is this?”

“It's Akaashi. Bokuto's in trouble and he needs your help right now—immediately!”

Kuroo didn't even bother to question it, which was his grave mistake. “I'm on my way!” He dashed out of the library, his shoes playing the Sonic theme song as it always did when he went really fast. It was the best gift Bokuto had ever given him.

It was only later when he burst into their dorm in a panic only to find a perfectly healthy Bokuto sitting on their couch playing video games that he realized that he had been tricked. Hjinked. Bamboozled.

“Cockblocked again,” he declared solemnly, the Sonic theme still playing in the background, as if to mock him.

 

.::.

 

“And if I was a mountain goat and you were the salt deposits,” Kuroo said, “I'd totally crave you.” He winked.

Computer Boy was unamused.

“KUROO, I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” Akaashi screamed from a hall away.

.::.

“Somebody once told me—” Kuroo started, only to be cut off by the sounds of rapidly approaching footsteps.

Kuroo sighed.

.::.

“Hey, Compu-”

“KUROOOOOOOO!!!”

“Gotta go!” Kuroo shoved the breadsticks in his purse and left in a hurry.

.::.

After 69 more cockblocks due to Akaashi’s efforts, Kuroo realized he needed a plan if he wanted proper alone time with Computer Boy. Therefore this time, Bokuto would personally distract Akaashi so Kuroo could finally have Computer Boy all to himself. It was time to see if his efforts would come to fruition.

“Hey cutie,” Kuroo drawled, resting his head on his elbow. He had pulled up a chair in order to sit right next to Computer Boy. Now he couldn't escape.

“So, uh, do you . . . come here often?” Kuroo's pathetic attempts at flirting seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“You know I come to the library every day during lunchtime. And for the past few months you've waltzed in everyday to pester me with your bad pick-up lines and middle school-level flirting.” Computer Boy did not even pause in his typing.

“What?! My flirting isn't that bad? I even researched how to do it on the Internet!” Computer Boy's irritation rose to a slight level of annoyance.

“Why do you insist on going out of your way to bother me? This isn't even in line with your schedule.” Computer Boy snapped his mouth shut. That did not mean to slip out.

“You . . . How do you know my schedule . . . ?”

Blushing, Computer Boy paused in his ministrations and mumbled, “I—Don't change the subject.”

“Please Computer Boy? Please tell me?” Kuroo pleaded. “Did you hack into the school system or something? You seem smart enough for that.”

Ignoring the obvious compliment, Computer Boy turned back to his work. “Every time you come visit me, you're panting and out of breath. You're an athlete; short distance sprinting shouldn't wind you. Therefore, you must go out of your way to make it to the library. I'd guess you come from either the A or B building.”

“Oh my god, Computer Boy, you're right! You're so observant . . . and it's the B building by the way.” Kuroo was definitely impressed by the other boy’s clever deductions.

Frowning, Computer Boy said, “Why do you insist on calling me ‘Computer Boy’? It's ridiculous.”

“Then . . . will you tell me your real name?” Kuroo asked, hopeful. After the name comes the phone number, right?

“It's—”

“KUROO!!!!”

Kuroo whipped his head around. Akaashi had burst through the door, panting, with murderous intent in his eyes.

“Hey, Kuroo . . . ” He said, in an overly sweet tone, the hostile undertones only thinly veiled.

“The teacher's looking for you,” Akaashi continued. “I think you'd better go . . . ”

Looks like his time had run out. But Bokuto was supposed to distract him for another 5 minutes!

“Dammit,” Kuroo muttered under his breath. He had gotten so close! Perhaps he could try and reason with Akaashi?

“The t-the teacher can wait!” Kuroo stuttered, “And Computer Boy wants me to stay!”

Computer Boy said nothing.

“Sure, Jan.” Akaashi gripped his arm tight. “Come on Kuroo, we're leaving.”

“W-wait, Akaas—” Now that Kuroo was closer, he noticed something he hadn't been able to before. On Akaashi’s neck formed a slightly red bruise.

“ _ IS THAT A HICKEY ON YOUR NECK?! _ ” Kuroo screeched.

It was at that moment when Akaashi knew: he fucked up. His cheeks turned red. “N-no! It's an insect—Shut up!” Akaashi gripped Kuroo’s arm even tighter and began pulling him out of the library.

Kuroo's mind reeled. Who could have given Akaashi the hickey? It certainly wasn't there during the math class they shared. It had to have happened between math and lunch.

Suddenly he had a realization.

Bokuto was supposed to distract Akaashi.

And Akaashi had a hickey on his neck.

“OH MY GOD, BOKUTOOOOOOO!!!” Kuroo wrenched his arm from Akaashi's grip and ran, screaming through the halls, to the dorm where he knew Bokuto would be.

Bokuto had some major explaining to do.

.::.

Akaashi was fucking persistent. It’d been six months since Kuroo first saw Computer Boy and he  _ still _ hadn’t gotten the boy’s name yet. With every attempt he’d get stopped by Akaashi. It had become such an expected thing that recently he’d been doubting his decisions to continue flirting with Computer Boy. 

But today, he finally made progress. After tearing across the campus grounds to arrive at the library extra early, he managed to get the boy’s name, albeit after some exasperated sighs from the boy and insistent, yet charming as he liked to believe, pleading from himself.

_ Kozume Kenma _ .

There wasn’t a sound on earth more heavenly than his name.

Before he could ask Kenma out on a date, Akaashi stormed in, slamming the door, breaking the library’s silence. His face looked as red as a tomato, his arms were shaking, steam blew out of his ears, and Kuroo could tell this was not the day to fuck with Akaashi Keiji.

So Akaashi came and ejected Kuroo out of the library before Kuroo could so much as make a cry of mercy or plead his case. He ended up outside the building in a dejected heap with no motivation to complete the rest of his day. 

Which is why it brought him here, with his best friend, to his favorite place on earth: Foogy Boofers. It was a local ice cream parlor a few blocks from campus that Kuroo accidentally discovered after getting lost on the opposite side of town. No one from his university, save Bokuto, knew about it. (Most likely due to the fact that it was a  _ children’s  _ ice cream parlor but did Kuroo give a damn? No, he did not.) They liked to visit from time to time and thankfully, it stayed open pretty late.

Recently, they’d been going more and more often to celebrate Bokuto and Akaashi’s relationship progressions, much to Kuroo’s unsettled stomach, where Bokuto would spend the whole time ranting about how lovely Akaashi’s personality was, or how gorgeous his eyes were, or how talented he was at setting, or how eloquently he spoke, or —

Recently, Kuroo had been wanting to throw Bokuto off a cliff.

Nonetheless, today they were at Foogy’s because Kuroo needed to blow off some sexual frustration on some damn-good ice cream. The bell chimed as Kuroo pushed open the door and stepped inside. At once his senses were hit with nostalgia. He deeply inhaled the smells of ice cream flavors and toppings. Smiling and already feeling better, he took a seat at his and Bokuto’s favorite table in the back corner. To Kuroo’s dismay, Bokuto hadn’t arrived yet.

_ Probably hanging out with Akaashi _ , Kuroo thought.  _ They’re most likely doing unspeakable things that I do not want to be informed about. _

Twenty minutes later, in waltzed Bokuto with his larger-than-life personality and shouted, “Hey hey hey!” at the top of his lungs, startling the little kids and their parents and evoking eyerolls from the staff. At that point, the staff had gotten pretty used to Bokuto’s eccentric antics.

Kuroo waved him over to his table and began to share his story about today’s lunch: “Bro, you’ll never believe what happened today. I got—”

“Bro, let me just order some ice cream first. A man’s gotta eat.” Bokuto, oblivious to the frustration written all across Kuroo’s face, glanced down at the menu in contemplation. “Hmm, what to get today?”

“Bokuto, can we order ice cream a little later? I really need to tell you about what happened today.”

“You know I can’t function without my dose of ice cream. Help a brother out.”

Things were starting to get repetitive. Not only could he not have a normal conversation with Kenma, but now he couldn’t even initiate one with his friend who was preoccupied with the ache in his stomach. “I’ve had enough shit today, Bokuto, hear me out—”

“Ah!” Bokuto snapped his fingers. “What you need is one Bacon Me Crazy!”

A Bacon Me Crazy was a special bacon-flavored ice cream topped with maple syrup, caramel, chocolate drizzle, chopped pecans, and whipped cream. It’s a signature unknown to newcomers but a legend to regulars. The special held so much sweetness it made your insides melt, your tastebuds sing, and your teeth cringe. Consequently, it was also Kuroo’s favorite item on the menu.

“Well . . . I just, uh, wanted to . . . ” He trailed off, staring longfully at the waiter who took their order and left without one from Kuroo.

Bokuto finally turned his attention fully towards Kuroo. “What’s the scoop, Tetsubro?”

“Your boyfriend is cockblocking me,” Kuroo spat bluntly.

Bokuto clutched his chest, “No, not  _ my  _ Akaashi? He would never do such a thing!”

“He’s been doing it for the past six months,” Kuroo mumbled under his breath. It wasn’t as if Bokuto didn’t know—Kuroo had been pining after Kenma long before Akaashi and Bokuto had gotten together—it was that he  _ pretended _ to not know. It still hasn’t sat well with Kuroo that Akaashi managed to steal Bokuto so easily, especially since he’d been screwing with someone else’s love life at the same time.

Akaashi wasn’t a bad person. Kuroo had come to the consensus that he liked the guy. He kept Bokuto in check when needed, he made Bokuto happy, he made cool-headed decisions instead of just jumping into things like Bokuto and Kuroo tended to do, and he was pretty good at Mario Kart, which they’d play for hours on end until their eyes began to bleed. He had a dry humor that would catch Kuroo off-guard at unsuspecting moments and a smile that Kuroo had to admit was absolutely stunning. He also kept the two rascals from starving by cooking for them from time to time because they “could not cook for shit” as Akaashi had put it. Outside of the whole Kenma-wooing fiasco, Kuroo had warmed up to the guy. Kuroo would even consider him a friend.

The waiter’s incoming footsteps startled Kuroo out of his thoughts and back to the present. On the waiter’s tray held the marvelous sundae that perpetually appeared in Kuroo’s dreams and fantasies. The caramel drizzle gleamed under the lights of the parlor and the whipped cream looked ever so fluffy. When Bokuto sank his spoon into the slightly soft ice cream, Kuroo felt his mouth water. He could practically hear the crunching of pecans emitting from Bokuto’s joyous mouth.

Snapping from his trance, Kuroo continued. “It’s so infuriating. I see him everyday and I feel like nothing I say goes through to him. Am I not trying hard enough? Does he not like me back? I get so tongue-tied around him. Just seeing his dark roots makes me smile like a damn idiot and I don’t even know the first thing about him. What are his favorite computer games? Does he like cats? What’s his favorite food? His favorite color? His—”

Bokuto sighed and jokingly teased, “Yes, you love Computer Boy. I know, you love Computer Boy so much; he’s the light of your life, you love him so much, you just love Computer Boy. I  _ know _ , you love Computer Boy, you fucking love Computer Boy. Okay? I know, I get it. _ You love Computer Boy. I get it. _ ”

Blushing, Kuroo asked, “Is it that bad?”

Bokuto huffed, “Yes, it’s that bad. Worse even.” He shrugged his shoulders and slid his sundae over to Kuroo. “Here, want to take your emotions out on this?”

Instantly grabbing a nearby spoon, he smirked. “I thought you’d never ask.” He then proceeded to inhale the sundae as if his life depended on it while Bokuto called over the waiter to order a couple more.

“We may be here a while,” Bokuto stated as an explanation.

Well, a while turned into a couple hours. And a couple hours resulted in them getting extremely high off of sugar, sobbing to each other about their respective lives, and talking longer and faster than they’ve ever had in the past couple of months.

Unbeknownst to the two, the parlor slowly began filling up with more and more families as eight o'clock came upon them in anticipation for the new competition that was starting at eight-thirty: a karaoke contest. It was only by luck did Kuroo manage to bring the two here on the day of this special event.

It was only by luck did these two have one of the zaniest, yet greatest days of their lives.

 

.::.

 

They came to after about fifteen rounds of ice cream, slowly looking in awe at the congestion around them. Kids in costumes dotted the space while their parents hastily tried to fix the children’s hair or straighten their shirts. The kids’ faces shook with nervousness or excitement. The air was buzzing with chatter from kids and parents alike. Even the old parlor felt like it was slowly waking up into vitality.

“What’s with the crowd?” Bokuto asked in confusion. He turned towards the nearest family and tapped the mother on the shoulder.

“Pardon?” she asked.

“What special occasion is happening to bring this many people?” Bokuto inquired.

“Oh.” The mother exhaled a tiresome breath, pulling a stray hair that fell in front of her face behind her ear. “There’s a karaoke competition for the kids today. The grand prize is a hundred dollar coupon to Foogy Boofers.”

Kuroo sharply inhaled behind Bokuto. “ _ A hundred dollars? Do you know how much ice cream we can buy with that?! _ ” He giddily turned to Bokuto like a child who was told Christmas came early, “We  _ need _ to win this.”

A gleam shone in Bokuto’s eyes, “You bet we do.”

The pair shook with anticipation as eight-thirty rolled upon them. On their phones they started planning how they were going to stage their performance without knowing the song choices—not a smart plan on their part. At times, one would shriek in response to the other’s ideas, soliciting a wide range of looks coming from the parents around them. (There were too many high-fives being passed around at that table.) Some even shielded their children away from the two, murmuring, “Don’t look at the weird men over there. They might harm you.”

Right at eight-thirty, one of the employees, Oikawa Tooru, stumbled onstage dressed as a cherry. Oikawa was known as the notorious employee that ruined kids’ lives and was extremely high maintenance. Every time Oikawa was Bokuto and Kuroo’s waiter, he’d leave a sour taste in their mouths. It seemed fitting that he’d finally get a taste of his own medicine. A bright flash of light enveloped the room as everyone, including Oikawa, turned to see another employee, Iwaizumi Hajime, take a picture of Oikawa the Cherry on his phone. Bokuto was slapping Kuroo’s arm in an attempt to contain his laughter, but Kuroo’s snickering beside him only made the giggles worse. As if hearing them, Oikawa glowered across the parlor with a menacing glare. The two shrunk in their seats terrified.

“Hello ladies and gentleman! How are you all tonight?” Oikawa chirped in a tight voice. He waited a moment for the children to shout back responses in their high-pitched voices, which made Kuroo and Bokuto cover their ears and cringe, before continuing. “Before we get to the karaoke competition, I’d like to lay down some ground rules.

“Absolutely no climbing onto the stage while others are performing. You are allowed to sing in groups of four or less. The song you sing must be chosen from our list of approved songs or you will not be eligible to win the grand prize. The winners will be chosen by our lovely panel of staff members to your left. If you manage to impress them, you will win the hundred dollar coupon to Foogy Boofers! Good luck!” Oikawa exited the stage, the lights dimmed, and a line began to form next to the stage.

(Bokuto could have sworn he saw Oikawa snatch the phone out of Iwaizumi’s hand, holding it high above his head and flashing Iwaizumi a mischievous smile before heading into the back of the parlor. Iwaizumi was left with no other option but follow him.) 

Bokuto and Kuroo reclined back in their seats, already have deciding to sing last in order to create the greatest impression on the judges before they chose the winner. So for the next hour, they listened to the off-key and squeaky voices of the younger children, sighing, “Ah, adolescence is a bitch.” They kept themselves sane by ordering large heaps of ice cream and ingesting more and more sugar into their systems.

They were practically delirious by the time the competition was closing to an end. They fidgeted in their seats as the line of competitors by the stage dwindled to its last few children. At around nine-ten they decisively strutted across the parlor floor as if they owned the place, eliciting many tongue-clicks from the observing employees. A few began taking their phones out to record what surely would be the highlight of the night. It felt as if everyone shifted to the end of their seats in anticipation.

They’ve got a big storm coming.

Right before they went onstage, Kuroo felt an onslaught of nerves. His heart began pumping really fast like it did whenever he came in close proximity to Kenma. He turned to Bokuto, hands shaking, and in a distressed voice whispered, “I don’t think I can do this.”

Bokuto rolled his eyes and bluntly said, “Feels bad man,” before shoving him onto the stage. Kuroo, completely shocked by Bokuto’s actions, collapsed onto the stage as the children crowded by the stage began pointing fingers and laughing at him. In retaliation he gave them his most dastardly glare, effectively shutting the kids up and causing some to cry.

_ All in a day’s work _ , Kuroo thought while fixing his rooster-hair. He stood up and made, or tried to make, a casual pose as Bokuto scrolled through the extensive list of song choices.

_What’s taking him so long?_ Kuroo whined, scratching the back of his neck. He could feel the radiating auras of judgement from the kids and parents alike. In all honesty, Kuroo mostly masked his awkwardness with a seductive and flamboyant personality but inside he was truly a shy nerd.

At last, Bokuto chose a song, sending a playful smile Kuroo’s way as the song began to play. Kuroo inwardly slumped in relief as Bokuto came to stand beside him. They assumed their previously discussed starting positions. The speakers started blasting the drum, guitar, and piano intro to some shitty pop music and many of the kids’ heads perked up with rapt attention. It wasn’t until the lyrics appeared on a television screen nearby that Kuroo realized what song it was.

It was [“If We Were a Movie”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKqN6mce1uY)  by Hannah Montana.

And wasn’t Kuroo just  _ fucked _ because he knew all the lyrics to  _ every Hannah Montana song? _

At that point Kuroo wasn’t sure if he wanted to thank Bokuto, hug Bokuto, cry on Bokuto’s shoulder, kill Bokuto, or kick Bokuto off the stage because  _ does he realize Kuroo wants this for himself and Kenma? _

Bokuto, oblivious to the storm of emotions raging inside Kuroo, stood with his back towards the crowd, snapping his head over his shoulder and singing the first few lines with an enormous amount of sass that Kuroo just about fell off the stage in hysterics.

_ Oh oh. There you go again talking cinematic. _

Kuroo and Bokuto quickly switched and Kuroo, facing the crowd, began belting while pointing at the crowd, ignoring the hoard of phones filming him and his friend by the group of employees.

_ Yeah, you. You’re charming _ — _ got everybody starstruck. _

Bokuto and Kuroo met at the center of the stage and then began walking—no,  _ sashaying _ —away from each other.

_ I know how you always seem to go for the obvious instead of me. _

They backtracked to each other while waving an imaginary ticket in the air, pulling their their most flirtatious faces on the crowd.

_ But get a ticket and you’ll see. _

As if on a whim, Kuroo grabbed Bokuto’s hand and began running in place, swinging his arms wildly, as if they were in a prairie field, accurately mimicking a scene from the [Hannah Montana television show](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ1vjRlBFLI) . Bokuto quickly caught on and followed Kuroo’s lead as they without a shadow of a doubt slayed the stage with their theatrics.

_ If we were a movie, you’d be the right guy. _

With this lyric Kuroo exaggeratedly pointed to Bokuto in what he assumed was a coy and playful manner. Bokuto held a hand to his chest in mock appreciation and pride as Kuroo reciprocated his gesture.

_ And I’d be the best friend that you’d fall in love with. _

They pointed to each other again with more vigor, tears running down each other's cheeks from restrained laughter, and holy fuck Kuroo was too sugar-high for this.

_ In the end, we’d be laughing, watching the sunset fade to black, show the names, play that happy song. _

They threw their arms out in a wide circle, throwing their heads back, swaying side to side, holding both hands and twirling each other around in a circle. They got lost in their own world as the crowd felt a mix of horror and enjoyment from the show the two boys put on.

To simply put, it was just two gays jamming out to Hannah Montana.

For the rest of the performance, it proceeded in that fashion. They did the tango across the stage, acted out a spike and receive, and Kuroo gave Bokuto a piggyback ride across the stage as Bokuto yelled the lyrics at the top of his lungs. Bokuto mussed with Kuroo hair to which Kuroo responded by shoving him onto the floor (one does not fuck with his hair), and they twerked for a couple seconds before the manager began yelling at them. Recreating a two-person conga line and a kickline to the beat, they emotionally vented their feelings to each other through the lyrics of the song, and split singing parts, giving Kuroo the falsetto harmony part while Bokuto continued with the chorus melody.

Once the song ended Bokuto felt a sense of emptiness creep into his soul. Damn, who knew you needed a bit of Hannah Montana to cheer you up? It was almost as good a therapy as ice cream.

The crowd was stunned into silence. Incredulous expressions fanned many of their faces while others looked up in wonder. The two rascals surely made a humongous impression on all that were present that day.

In that moment, when the world was silent and his best friend stood next to him, Kuroo had an epiphany.

He wanted to tell Kenma about his feels—no,  _ yearned _ ,  _ hungered _ to tell him.

In an instant Kuroo galloped off the stage and dashed madly to the exit. Bokuto trailed behind him, wailing about the lost prize they inevitably would have won had they stayed. But Bokuto knew there was no way to stop Kuroo when he got like this.

Kuroo was on a mission to woo the man of his life, and no one—not even Akaashi—could stop him. 

 

.::.

 

It was about halfway back to campus when Kuroo realized he had no idea how to sweep Kenma off his feet. What was he to do? He knew practically nothing about the boy at the computer. Should he make obscure gaming references? Shower him in memes? Quote some Hannah Montana songs?

Actually, that last option didn't sound so bad. Maybe he could knowledge the shit out of some pick-up lines.

As the two boys came in close proximity to the campus grounds, Kuroo’s hands began to sweat. It felt as if each step wore on his body. He wasn’t sure how Kenma would respond to direct confrontation from Kuroo but he hoped the boy wouldn’t be scared away by his forthcomingness.

Once arriving at the library, his eyes came upon Kenma sitting at the computer, fingers flying across the keyboard, eyes darting across the screen. His blonde hair looked disheveled and his clothes unkempt as if he’d been sitting at the computer all day, which had most likely happened. Kuroo couldn’t help but stare at the soft curves of Kenma’s face and his piercing cat eyes that were filled with golden honey. His breath left him, his brain refused to work, and his mind could not describe the intense feeling he felt whenever he saw Kozume Kenma. He felt himself softly gasp.

The spell was promptly broken when Kuroo’s eyes came upon Akaashi who stood next to Kenma, preoccupied at the moment with the game on the computer screen.

_ No fucking way _ , Kuroo snarled to himself.  _ I am not getting cockblocked by Akaashi this time. _

Akaashi was the first to notice Kuroo and Bokuto. An expression of shock danced across his features before being replaced by an expression of determination and protectiveness. He immediately jumped in front of Kenma, blocking Kuroo’s view of the blonde boy’s face.

“Kuroo!” Akaashi said in a light voice. “What are you doing here at this late hour?”

“I . . . came to discuss something with Kenma?” Kuroo asked, slightly terrified of what Akaashi’s next move was.

After a moment: “What is it?” Kenma asked in a bored voice, his eyes still glued to the screen in front of him.

Kuroo took a tentative step forward and Akaashi, having heard Kenma’s consent, stepped slightly to the right, giving Kuroo a slightly clearer view of the blonde boy. Kuroo sighed in relief when Akaashi relented.  _ Akaashi isn’t bad all the time _ , Kuroo admitted to himself.

Kuroo’s hands shook as he clasped them together to stop the tremors. His stomach felt like it was doing somersaults inside his chest and his heart raced. His mouth grew dry as he attempted to form a coherent argument that would convince Kenma to give Kuroo a second glance and go out with him.

“Will you be the ch-cheese to m-my jerky?” Kuroo winced at how wobbly his voice sounded, but at least he managed to force the words out.

Kenma stopped his game and turned towards Kuroo, head tilted slightly in confusion. Even Akaashi and Bokuto didn’t understand the obscure reference to Hannah Montana. Maybe he should try again? With a less obscure reference?

“How about, life’s what you make it so make it rock by going out with me?”

Kenma shook his head, a small smile crept onto his face.

“I may not seem like the ideal boyfriend but . . . nobody’s perfect and I’ll work on it again and again ‘til I get it right.

“I realize I have a slightly offensive exterior and may seem a bit ostentatious but if you could see the other side of me . . . I’m just like everyone else.”

Kuroo turned to Akaashi, a surprised grin popping up on Akaashi’s face as he patiently waited for the pick-up line Kuroo would decide to use next. Kuroo took a deep breath.

“Akaashi, the struggles I’m facing, the chances I’m taking sometimes might knock me down but, no I’m not breaking.” Kuroo swiveled around to face Bokuto who had tears at the corner of his eyes and an appreciative look for his friend written all over his face. Kuroo returned a heartfelt smile, thinking back to the chain of events that happened only hours ago. “I may not know it, but these are the moments that I’m gonna remember most. Just gotta keep going.”

He returned to face Kenma, who at this point had a hand covering his mouth, eyes crinkled at the corners, and his body visibly shaking from giggles. The sight lit a fire within Kuroo. It was as if with every moment more he spent with Kenma, the more he fell in love with him.

_ Kenma sure is special _ , Kuroo mused thoughtfully before he continued.

“You’re unusual—in a good way!, not so typical, and way too smart to be waiting around for me but I promise if you date me, I’ll make the waiting seem worth it.

“I know it’s unlikely that we could ever be together but I make wishes, I make dreams, and I still want to believe anything can happen in this world for an ordinary guy like me.

“They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye. I thought the chances to meet somebody like you were a million to one.

“We may seem like we’re polar opposites or that we live in two different worlds but . . . when you mix us together, you know you’ve got the best of both worlds.

“When I see you, I start believing in love, in something that’s bigger than just us.”

With this line, Kuroo felt a lump form in his throat. He literally just spilled his guts and feelings out to Kenma using Hannah Montana lyrics. It felt like a dream he never wanted to wake up from. Everything he confessed to Kenma was true. He really wanted to get to know the boy better, he believe he could make their relationship work, he believed they were right for each other.

Now Kenma just had to accept, right? 

A slow smile crept upon his face. “I'll be the cheese to your jerky if you'll be the Snake to my Otacon,” he replied. 

A brilliant smile instantly shone on Kuroo’s face. “I’ll definitely be your Snake. But just letting you know, eyepatches do not look attractive on me."

It must’ve been the right answer as Kenma peered more closely at Kuroo in response. “You,” he began tentatively. “You play video games?”

Kuroo shuffled his feet and scratched the back of his neck for the second time that night, “Sometimes. I mostly played in high school.”

Kenma nodded. His cheeks began blushing faintly red as he stuttered out, “Do you want to play XBox at my place today? I just got a new game but it requires two players.”

At this invitation, Kuroo eyes lighted with excitement as he began vigorously nodding. “Yes! I’d love to play some XBox with you!”

Kenma then stood up, turned off the PC, and grabbed Kuroo’s hand as he led the startled rooster-boy from the library. Kuroo’s hand felt as if it was being licked by tendrils of flame and impulses fired where their skin made contact. It took all of Kuroo’s strength to not violently scream in success and in triumph. What seemed like a day of failure turned into one of victory. His trip to Foogy Boofers wasn’t a mistake! His favorite ice cream parlor came to save the day for him!

Just before they went out of hearing range of Bokuto and Akaashi, Kuroo heard Bokuto vehemently sob, “Look at our children. They grow up so fast!” This exclamation was then followed by what Kuroo believe to be Akaashi’s elbow coming into contact with flesh. His suspicions were confirmed when Bokuto’s loud, girly screech resounded within the silent library. Kuroo and Kenma met gazes and silently snickered.

 

.::.

 

Two years later and Kuroo found himself moving into an apartment with Kenma a few miles away from campus. This whole relationship still felt surreal to him even after the first few awkward dates (and a few more unsuccessful pick-up lines). Their first kiss took place after a very intense Mario Kart match, to which Kenma won, when Kuroo gently held Kenma’s chin and lightly kissed him on the lips. Immediately after, a fiercely blushing Kenma ran to the bathroom for refuge, leaving a heartbroken Kuroo wondering how did he just fuck up. He prepared himself for the worst. A few minutes later Kenma returned not to scold or yell at Kuroo but to grab his shirt in the blonde boy’s fists and firmly plant a kiss on the other boy’s lips. (They spent the rest of the evening making out, but that’s a later story.) For the rest of the day and the following weeks after, Kuroo felt on cloud nine.

And that’s how he felt today, walking into his newly set-up apartment where Kenma was lazily lying on the couch with an XBox controller in hand, scrolling through his colossal list of video games. (It was quite endearing, Kenma’s obsession to gaming. Additionally, it made Kenma’s presents increasingly easier to obtain.)

Kuroo plopped down beside the blonde-haired boy, gripping a massive box wrapped in packaging paper. Kenma quickly adjusted, placing his feet onto Kuroo’s lap as if he’d been doing it for forever. It amazed Kuroo how easily they had fit into each other’s lives. “What’s the box for?” Kenma asked, his interest peaked.

Proudly unwrapping the paper surrounding the box, Kuroo presented to Kenma his new purchase. Kenma set his controller down to look in disbelief. “This, my dear,” Kuroo delightedly announced, “is the greatest purchase I have ever made: a complete box-set of the Hannah Montana television show.”

Kenma rolled his eyes. “That’s it? What’s so important about Hannah Montana?”

Kuroo, obviously wounded by his partner’s words, gasped in shock. “Could you forget? Hannah Montana is what brought us together.”

Kenma huffed in reply. “We’ve been through this before. That show did not bring us together.”

“Yes, it did.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not”

“Did too.”

“ _ Did not. _ ”

“Oh, it very certainly  _ did too _ .”

“I hate you, Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“I love you too!”

**Author's Note:**

> i spent two weeks creating this, what is my life.  
> [(super legit remix that you should listen to)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2zxEWBGKiA)
> 
> if you didn't get some of the references, holler down below and i'll answer. there is a short drabble of what happened concerning bokuto's distraction of akaashi if you are interested (comment down below if you want it).
> 
> [here's oikawa's costume if you were wondering](https://www.animalmascots.com/show_image.php?im=/img/01/p0084.jpg&size=300)
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
